Placenta

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Burying a placenta is not as hard as you think.

The most difficult is obtaining a placenta. Unless you want to end up in prison by stealing one you will have to make a baby (that takes a lot of time). Yes Tesco does not sell placenta.

The steps are:

Burying the placenta - Step four

So now put the plant on top of the placenta in the hole. Be careful not to squash the placenta, you never know what would come out of this thing if you squashed it (blood on your face?).

Put a little earth around the base of the plant and the gaps, wet the earth around the plant so that it get a nice start in life. Yes you made it to the end, you are really brave!

Congratulations, you can now have a glass of your favourite whisky.

Burying the placenta - Step three

And here it comes step three, you all waited for it. Take the placenta out of the bag.

I recommend wearing gloves if you don't like slimy sticky liquid touching your hands. For the weak of heart try a face mask or ask a friend to take over from here. Yes this is pretty gross.

Another option take the back up side down after carefully opening the two bags so it falls nicely in the hole without splashing you. Make sure to hold on to two bags so.

Not very pretty: I have heard that some people eat it with pasta serious see http://www.hip-chick-pregnancy-guide.com/placenta.html

Burying the placenta - Step two

In step two you will exercise a little bit by digging a nice little hole in the ground to fit the root of the plant and the placenta underneath it. Make sure to get it right you don't want to have to go back and dig out the placenta!

Burying the placenta - Step one

In step one you are going to collect all the goods, so you need:
- one fresh placenta,
- a little tree or bush,
- at least a spade.

Optionally you may want to prepare an old mattress in case you feel unwell and pass out.

For information the placenta is in the (double) yellow bag with the rather worrying sign on it saying "danger bio-hazard"!

This is the real deal no joke.

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The statements and opinions expressed in this website are my own and do not necessarily represent those of my employer.